Red Sox's Jarren Duran reveals suicide attempt in Netflix doc: 'I'm still here and I'm still fighting'
Red Sox outfielder Jarren Duran was the 2024 All-Star Game MVP. Yet the ex-Cal State Long Beach and Cypress High player says that in 2022 he tried to take his life.
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Jarren Duran's path to batting leadoff for the Boston Red Sox, being named the 2024 All-Star Game MVP and jump-starting his earning potential by signing a one-year, $3.75-million contract with a club option for $8 million in 2026 has been anything but linear.
The former Cal State Long Beach and Cypress High outfielder is open about his mental health struggles that have included a verbal outburst toward a fan, wearing a T-shirt with a profane message and — most concerning for Duran and his loved ones — depression and a suicide attempt in 2022.
Interviewed for an eight-part Netflix docuseries "The Clubhouse: A Year With the Red Sox" that will premiere Tuesday, Duran said he was so hard on himself that he did not want to live.
"I was already hearing it from fans," Duran said in the docuseries. "And what they said to me, [it was like], 'I've told myself 10 times worse in the mirror.' That was a really tough time for me. I didn't even want to be here anymore."
The 28-year-old described the moment he nearly killed himself in frighteningly stark terms.
"I got to a point where I was sitting in my room, I had my rifle and I had a bullet and I pulled the trigger and the gun clicked, but nothing happened," he said. "So, to this day, I think God just didn't let me take my own life because I seriously don't know why it didn't go off. I took it as a sign of, I might have to be here for a reason, so that's when I started to look myself in the mirror after the gun didn't go off.
"I was like, 'Do I want to be here, or do I not want to be here?' That happened for a reason and obviously you're here for a reason, so let's be the way you want to be and play [the way] you want to play and live the way you want to live."
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Duran enjoyed a breakout season in 2024, leading the American League in doubles (48), triples (14), plate appearances (735) and at-bats (671). He batted .285 with 191 hits, 111 runs scored, 21 home runs and 34 stolen bases.
His ascent began in 2023 when he hit .295 with 24 stolen bases in 102 games after being recalled from triple A, and coincided with his newfound resolve.
"Jarren's decision to share his story is an act of courage that reaches far beyond baseball," Red Sox president and Chief Executive Sam Kennedy said in a statement. "By opening up, he's showing others who may be struggling that they're not alone and that asking for help isn't just OK, it's essential.
"Every member of this organization continues to stand with him. He has our deepest admiration, he's always had our full support and we're incredibly fortunate to have him as part of our team."
Duran was a seventh-round draft pick of the Red Sox out of Cal State Long Beach in 2018. In college and early in his pro career, he exhibited good speed and athleticism but little power. That changed in 2021 when he hit 16 homers in 60 triple-A games and was promoted to the Red Sox.
However, he struggled, hitting .215 with two home runs in 33 games. The following season was a repeat, with good numbers in triple A followed by batting .221 with three homers in 58 games.
By August, 2022, he was spiraling mentally, telling MassLive, “I can’t talk about too much of it, but I’ve been pretty low this year. It has been a struggle to stay [in the big leagues]. I don’t really talk to my family about my low points because I’m so closed off to everybody.
“I’m kind of just tearing myself up internally and get pretty depressed and stuff like that. I find it hard to reach out to people because I don’t want to bother other people with my problems. I kind of just build it up inside myself, which obviously makes everything a lot worse.”
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Major League Baseball offers players mental health resources that helped Duran, and the Red Sox have long provided major and minor league players with comprehensive health services.
“The Red Sox have offered ... mental health screenings, crisis response protocols, educational programming, and access to both in-house care and trusted outside specialists," the Red Sox said in a statement. "Support spans all seven Minor League affiliates and involves collaboration across medical, performance, and coaching staff to ensure care is available at every level."
Last August, barely a month removed from being named All-Star Game MVP after he hit a two-run home in the American League's victory, Duran was suspended two games for shouting a homophobic slur at a fan who was heckling him.
Duran expressed remorse to reporters afterward, although he did so while wearing a T-shirt that read “F— ‘em,” making some onlookers wonder how serious he was about contrition. The T-shirt was initiated by Duran and also worn by teammates to support his efforts in dealing with his mental health issues.
In the docuseries, Duran said that avoiding depression requires constant effort. He keeps a daily journal and employs written reminders that urge him to win the battle.
"On [the tape on] my left wrist, I write, 'F— 'em,' because it's me telling my demons, 'You're not going to faze me'," he said. "And on my right wrist, I write, 'Still alive' because I'm still here and I'm still fighting."
This story originally appeared in Los Angeles Times.
